I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
