he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
