Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
