Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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