i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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