i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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