I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
