pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
