What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
