What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
