he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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