Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
