Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
