I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
