We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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