weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I'm getting married
To pizza
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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