her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
