So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
