i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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