After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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