How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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