I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
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