I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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