Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
