dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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