Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
im six kinds of drunk right now
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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