dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
