My room smells like vodka and shame
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
