What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
