Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
