I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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