question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
she told me i tasted like america
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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