When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
