It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
