Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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