I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
