Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
He kissed a someone with a penis
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize