oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
