we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
