i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize