why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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