Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Randomize
