Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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