I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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