Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
