My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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