Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize