Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
