do herpes really smell.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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