What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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