Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
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