no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
