he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
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