thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
