So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
