what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
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