my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
