Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
