weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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