This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
