3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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