I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
