I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
