Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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