the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
