Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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