when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Randomize
