She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
