Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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