I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
