I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
