Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
His nipple licking is glorious
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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