i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
