Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
