Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
